Pen Names are overrated anyway

Everyone is so afraid.

Afraid that things will change.

Afraid that the popular kids will get more comments than the popular writers,

and the popular writers will be forgotten.

Every person in my class is so afraid of being revealed.

Well you must be insecure.

Didn't we already learn how to write down our insecurities and forget them?

So why are you still?

Or is it because all your insecurities are posted on your blog; secured where people can find them?

At least now, people they know the real you.

At least now, they know how fake you were.

At least now, they know how real you've been.

And all the fake people will leave, and hang with the fakes.

And all the reals will hang with the reals.

Can't you see it's better to live life without closed doors?

That's why I'm happy to be revealed.

I don't know how much longer I could've stayed concealed.

And if I have to wait another god damn day without knowing who Courtney Rome is, or Roslyn Luna Grey, or any of my favorite writers are;

Then cue the depression from the happiness I haven't experienced with them.

And if I have to wait another god damn day to find out who that cry for help came from in mid October it might be too late for me to help that Pen Name I already forgot. 

I'm tired of waiting, and it's time to reveal.

My name to you on this blog thingy is peepleizdum, but if I see you at school call me 

Parker Johnson

Also here's a few pics for peeple that don't know me.

Halloween 2015

First day of school feat. my little sisters

Me and my bro this summer

You

You are the vibrant rays of the sun shining threw my storm clouds.

And the subtle breeze that can warm my spirit or chill me to the bone.

You are the moon pulling the tide in, and I am the ocean.

And the farther you distance yourself I am at low tide.

However, you are not the birds singing that beautiful song every morning.

There is no way you are the birds, you don't like to sing in front of anyone.

And you are certainly not the cheerleader girl, you're way too cool to care.

A quick glance in the mirror will show that you are the most beautiful girl out there,

But you wont let my uplifting words consume your thoughts.

It is possible that you are the girl dangling her feet off the edge wondering how fast you would fall.

I am the boy falling for you, faster to soften the blow.

But don't worry, I am not the boy that pushed you off.

You are still the one falling, and refuse to survive the fall.

I am still here as your ocean, and as you fall my tides grow stronger.

So even if I only cover 71% of the places you could fall..

With you this close, I'm right beneath you.

Music

I like music. I like rap. I like a funky tune. If you like theses things listen to Jurassic 5 at least once a day. It just makes you want to groove, and makes you happy. MUSIC HAS POWER.

Underneath the surface

Underneath the surface I'm floating.

Sorry I can't hear you I'm too busy swimming in my thoughts, and when I listen you sound like you're gargling salt water.

I'm underneath the surface where you can't find me, but you insist that we go hiking.

Sometimes I dive just to see if I can touch the bottom, or if I'll be crushed under the pressure before reaching it.

My heart has spoken

Dear filthy human,

You have to stop giving loans cause they never get returned in full, and they bring me back cold.

Even though we grew, and now I'm older; you drown out the experience.

And I can't remember the last time I was sober.

You allow women to come in and walk all over leaving just as quick as the came; only with a longer space in-between.

They leave me with cracks all over, and you ignore me.

I don't want to live with you anymore if it means I have to live being unseen.

And these strings that sewed the cracks together didn't get the attention needed.

They are frayed at the ends looking for another spark to bind them;

Although I don't want you to find another heart I know you will find them.

So please find one that has a lighter, or a burning passion for you like a raging fire;

Cause the next time you find someone cold we'll both die of hypothermia.

Sincerely, your fragile heart

My blue ticket heart

My heart was twice the size of my brain blinding me from the reality that we wouldn't work.

You didn't have a heart, and you were much smarter than I was.

So for a while we made the perfect fit.

Two humans imperfect and different that equaled two perfect humans together.

I should've known better than to give you half of my heart with the goal of making you feel.

You took it from me with a blank stare, like you didn't know how to use it.

I couldn't teach you due to my lack of smarts, and now normal sized heart.

So as a toddler with toy trains that gets amusement out of them crashing, you played with it.

You grew out of the toddler stage now an adolescent

Making complex crash courses with longer tracks only to allow these trains to gain speed

Your ultimate goal was to destroy.

Well you were much smarter than I was, and you knew how to reach your goals.

That half of my heart you handed back damaged and with cracks.

Still desperate to reach my goal I peeled strips off my remaining half and patched yours together.

And once your half had healed, mine started to wither.

Then you left me after being fixed, and I grew bitter.

Without those few strips that held it in place, my heart detached itself and fell into scraps.

My heart was twice the size of my brain blinding me from the reality that we wouldn't work.

Well I can see clearly now.  

I miss you

I haven't figured out how to win your heart

And I still can't tell you how beautiful you looked the day you left me

Like a fire needs oxygen to grow and a heart needs blood to keep beating

I miss you, and wish there was a way I could've stopped you from leaving

And I don't know what it's like to go through what you go through, but like a worker bee to his queen I'm always right there for you

I wish I could have done enough to keep you here

Cause losing you was worse than my biggest fear

And I know if I woke up in the middle of the night with a ghost in the corner staring into my soul

I would still miss you more than the kid crying over his bike that the next door teenager just stole

And the ghost would leave after seeing my soul is empty

From the void you filled that the last girl left me

You left just the same with a less than adequate excuse for a heart

I was now the one silent, and I don't know where to start

But I know that I still miss you like a robot missing his heart

P.S I still love you, and haven't found a way to suppress these feelings yet.

How to be depressed

It holds you down like a coat made of lead

You hang it up every morning and suppress what was said

The cracks of despair whisper into your ear

Just quiet enough for only you to hear

If I could just hear what you hear from those cracks of despair

I'd be able to tell you those cracks tell lies

They continue to whisper bonding you in false ties

Sinking you under the weight of your eyes

The voices get louder, all they want is your demise

With voices so loud you can't hear the truth

These voices prey on heart crippled youth

You're not the only one, so you best not speak

You can't tell a soul while you drown in defeat

At a battle that's never won feeling like rocks are tied to your feet

Slowly dragging yourself away from others

Less communication with sisters and brothers and ones you called lovers

No more good mornings or good nights 

Just mornings and nights and more frequent fights to push through the day

You push a smile on your face to avoid what people might say

You push your own way, as you push others close to you away

You can't see what your doing like a headless chicken still moving

And they can't see what your doing like living in a dream where you're still fooling them

Your mind shuts down anything making you feel

Numbing you to the point your heart turns to steel

Incapable of love, yet full of compassion

Able to understand others and help them gain traction

You lift others, but refuse to be lifted

While continuing to drown in an abyss of depression

With a coat made of lead, and a heart turned to steel.